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Funny Emails




Subject: Fw: Some Zen thoughts to start your day



A dose of Zen

1. DO not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either; just leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. Itís always darkest before dawn. So if youíre going to steal your neighbourís newspaper, thatís the time to do it.
4. Donít be irreplaceable; if you canít be replaced, you canít be promoted.
5. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
6. Always remember youíre unique, just like everyone else.
7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
9. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
10. If you think nobody cares if youíre alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
11. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, youíre a mile away and you have their shoes.
12. If at first you donít succeed, then skydiving is not for you.
13. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
14. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
15. Donít squat with your spurs on.
16. If you tell the truth, you donít have to remember anything.
17. If you drink, donít park; accidents cause people.
18. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
19. Donít worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
20. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
21. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
22. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a raindance.
23. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
24. Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
25. There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither one works.
26. Generally speaking, you arenít learning much when your mouth is moving.
27. Experience is something you donít get until just after you need it.
28. Never miss a good chance to shut up
Ņ

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